The trails and tribualtions of a lost liberal

A week in christianity and a heavy metal monk.

2008-07-18T03:49:00.000-07:00

This week the Anglican church faced collapse. Well, going to Lambeth might just do that do you.

World Youth Day (WYD) or Cahtolic woodstock as its dubbed almost squashed free speech in Austrlia.

Then 50 pilgrims were struck down with the flu. What was that about Catholic retribution and divine intervention again?

Anyway, in a week when all that happened, this blog was relieved to stumble over this during some hardcore googling.

Isn't he adorable? If he wants to give a sermon at church you can bet this blog would be front row and centre, head banging until we saw God.

Too little too late

2008-07-11T06:56:00.000-07:00

The UN has agreed, in principle (whatever the hell that means) to se up a pannel to investigate the assination of Benazir Bhutto

The former Pakistani PM was assinated in December 2007. Yep, before Austrian cellar creep before the Mark Ronson funk zeitgiest and before Zimbabwe got worse

This is the best they can do? 7 months later they think about setting up a committee?

It's the lamest idea this blog has heard since Monday when Gordon Brown told us to stop wasting food. (so he wants us to eat more? Won't this increase the obeisty rate?)

The UN, once a really good idea, has proved itself to be useless when anything serious needs doing.

How are we supposed to have a global economy if we don't have a global defence against corruption and violence run amock?

Polygamy chic

2008-07-11T05:55:00.001-07:00

Remember the yearning for Zion polygamy sect? Google it.

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, and Hadley Freeman in the G2 (the woman's a goddess) you too can dress like a fundamentalist.

Less risque than a niqab or free Palestine scarf, chances are it'll be mistaken for a maxi dress.

Accessorise with a tongue placed firmly in your cheek.

David, a Davis and more media coverage.

2008-07-11T03:50:00.001-07:00

David Davis has won his by-election campaign. He was up against a beauty queen, a raving loon, and Mad-Cow Gird, from the official monster raving loony party.

While this blog is staunchly liberal and allergic to Tories, we did support Mr Davis in his campaign.

And we still do. What he did was admirable and ballsy.

With criticism of the 42 day extension growing louder by the minute, why there was not more media coverage?

Maybe, deep down, no one wants to admit the Toris are capable of acts of defiant liberalism. This blog knows it doesn't.

But there you go, Mr Davis pulled it off and David Cameron will reap the rewards.

Here was the perfect chance for media scrutiny of a medieval law to go into overdrive. But it didn't.

There weren't any licences up for renewal by any chance?

Another religious controversy for Obama.

2008-07-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama has been criticised by the influential civil rights activist, reverand Jesse Jackson for "talking down" to African-Americans.

Rev. Jackson made the rookie mistake of leaving his Fox News (of all networks...why God? Why?) microphone switched on while ranting about Obama.

After saying he "wanted to cut his (Obama's) nuts off" he complained about how Obama had blaimed African-American men for the break down in family life among Black US communities, and not the government.

Obama was going to have to cross the bridge some time; he just isn't radical enough for the grassroots members of the civil rights movement.

It seems America is so divided Presidential candidates have to make a choice; either build grassroots support within the Caucasion community, thus isolating yourself from the African-American community, or visa versa.

Obama seemed to be doing so well at crossing that divide. But, much like Hilary Clinton with feminist grassroots campaigners, Obama will never be seen as radical enough by those who fought for the equality he has come to represent.

This blog is worried; does this mean McCain will win? We're not American, but considering the UK gets dragged into every war they have started post 1945, we would like to say: we need a rest.

No surprises from Zimbabwe.

2008-07-10T03:31:00.000-07:00

Zimbabwe has branded the planned UN sanctions against them "colonial and racist."

This blog wants to see a legal vote of who's not surprised. Everyone?

South Africa is in emergency talks with the UN. Shouldn't they be in emergency military intervention with Zimbabwe?

Anyway, Mugabe will have his assets frozen, which is odd because Switzerland is usually quite warm this time of year.

There will aslo be an arms embargo on Zimbabwe, as well as Mugabe and 13 of his croanies having their right to travel revoked.

Isn't this all too little too late? This blog was under the assumption sanctions were already in place against Zimbabwe. How else can you explain a 2 million% inflation rate?

While this blog fully supports the sanctions, we do hope the UN will do something to help the innocent Zimbabwean's stuck inside the country.

Just because their President is a tyrant doesn't mean they are.

Mind your PMQ's.

2008-07-09T06:22:00.000-07:00

William Hague vs. Harriet Harman proved to be a highly entertaining showdown. Gordon Brown should leave the country more often.

In the blue corner; former party leader and true blue, William Hague.

He's bald, he's been working with the Tories since he was 14 and his rhetorical wit is unparralled.

In the red corner; the longest serving female MP and followed by rumours of a leadership coup, its Harriet Harman.

Feminist, MP for Peckham and looks a little bit like a pissed off pigeon.

The scene is set as two of Britian's longest standing politicos prepare to do battle.

She backed up Gordon, calling him a man of "true grit and determination". He slagged off Gordon (who hasn't?) taking the piss out of his call for the British people to "stop wasting food". Hague claimed Mr Brown was "passed his sell by date."

She tried to quash rumours of a leadership coup. He tried to stir them up.

She implied he had once drunk too much (18 pints a day). He lapped it up claiming, "none of it was wasted."

All in all it was a good fight. Not really sure if any questions were answered but since this has been an incredibly slow news week, proved an interesting distraction.

There's no way you would have got such a good fight between John Prescott and...and...whoever would have been deputy leader under Michael Howard. (intensive goolging produced nothing. Sorry.)

Indeed, this blog would ask commenters to take note of this well phrased, well time and generally amusing bout. This is how insults and insights are done, Brenden. Telling this blog to get a life (What is wrong with the one we've got? There's politics, current affairs and interest in the world at large. Would you rather this blog was ignorant?) and then calling us "a stupid f***ot is not an insult. Its an over used, under imagined cliche.

Where's Louise? She had the decency to ask questions and enter into a debate.

Zimbabwe may get off scot free

2008-07-09T03:26:00.001-07:00

Russia, a permant member of the UN security counicl, is threatening to veto the sanctions proposed against Zimbabwe.

Why? Why would you do this? It's not like Russia has a stake in Zimbabwe.

This blog could understand if China was pissed but even they voted for the sanctions.

They are another permant member of the security council and can still veto, mind.

Several African leaders have opposed the sanctions. Mind you, they didn't jump to bollock Mugabe at the AU either.

So it seems like the UN may be the only international body able to take any action against Zimbabwe's "democracy".

While no one from the Russia camp has made an official statement, they may well be moving to push Zimbabwe into a government of national unity.

Hmmmm....compromising with Mugabe? The man who has made it very clear he does nothing of the sought?

True, the country is not a threat to international security. However, if the people of Zimbabwe can't take a stand, and the West can't afford liberal intervention, then isn't that where the UN is meant to step in?

Zimbabwe may not be a threat to the international community, but as long as it remains a threat to itself, there should be reason enough to help.

Annual G8 waffle

2008-07-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

The G8 has (possibly) reached its high point, as the summit leaders announced their committment to cutting carbon emissions in half by 2050.

Planet will probably be completely fucked by then, by hey, its the thought that counts.

It is encouraging to see a board meeting that has George W. Bush sitting in, has decided to take some action to tackle climate change.

Described as one of the "stickiest issues" on the discussion board, global warming has become synonmous with a global slowdown for many.

Well, yes, we are going to have to slowdown if we want to save the planet. But that doesn't mean it has to be a bad thing.

How many times have you heard someone/yourself moan about the pace of life? Always working, never having the time to cook properly or spend time with the family.

Well here's your chance. Save the planet and save yourself. Couldn't be simpler.

Of course no real effective action can be taken until large, powerful groups like the G8 put pressure on multinational conglomorates and coorporations to cut expenditure down.

The individual has done enough. It is time for the masses to do more.

That was far too serious. Here's a link to something really funny that bares no relevance what so ever to the above.

Enjoy.

A fitting tribute to George W. Bush

2008-07-08T03:28:00.000-07:00

San Francisco wants to name a sewage plant after George W. Bush when his presidency ends.

The 12,000 signatures strong petition was brought by the Presidential Memorial Committee of San Francisco to the city's Department of Elections.

The group wanted the idea voted on in November and most Draconians, sorry, Republicans, are already trying to block the idea.

Branded unpatriotic by some and plain wacky by Calfornia's Repbulican party spokesman, the sewage plant plans face a tough fight.

This idea is not wacky or unpatriotic. It's ballsy, ironic, symbolic and downright brilliant.

San Francisco, known for its tolerant outlook and large LGBT community, has borne the brunt of George W. Bush's attempts to take America back to the dark ages.

See also: the right to marriage for the LGBT community.

George W. Bush deserves this kind of memorial. Along with an AA centre and a mosque named after him, this couldn't have turned out better.

Truely, this is the land of the free and home of the brave.

Gordon Brown states the obvious.

2008-07-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

While Parliament is in recess we are left to suffer slow news days.

Gordon Brown, speaking at the G8, has urged British citizens to stop wasting food.

Lets look at the maths:

Credit crunch + world war 2 mentality inherrent in most English = home made compost and vinegar cake.

It is estimated that we throw away 1/3rd of the food we buy in the UK.

Bravo, Mr Brown, you stated the fucking obvious.

Why doesn't he force supermarkets to be more ethically supportive of the consumer? He could put pressure on them to stick to local, seasonal produce.

Then he could give out free compost bins.

In fact, why aren't WRAP working on this more?

If, like this blog, you carefully recycle as much as you can, and are permantly broke so have to resort to buying food from the reduced (i.e about to go off section) then you will understand how much pressure is put on the individual in the west.

When really, the individual can make no real impact without the focused efforts of large scale corporations, like supermarkets.

We'll stop wasting food when supermarkets become more environmentally friendly.

Cash for honours calls for common sense

2008-07-04T02:45:00.000-07:00

In a rare move, an MP has publically displayed common sense.

Common sense, last seen on London mayoral candidate Brian Paddick, was surprised to make two appearances in one year in politics.

Sorry, we're just fucking with you.

Lib Dem MP Nick Harvey announced that the Houses move to reject fresh guidelines over expenses would make it "very hard" to restore public confidence in the House of Commons.

Its not entirely their fault. Blair's neutering of the parliamentary system left teh British public with very little confidence in, well, democracy.

There was a brief flirtation with the ancient Greek concept again when Brown assumed power, but his bungling of well, everything, after that meant we, the public, lost interest.

Now with expense scandal after expense scandal, we just don't care anymore.

The smoking ban proved there was one rule for us and another for them. Why would their expenses be any different?

Hissy fits have been thrown over second homes not being up to a John Lewis standard. Well, you can have your shagging expense account.

Its not going to change the fact that there's a general election in 2 years time in which we can kick you all out, is there?

Haha.

Facebook and myspace a menace to society

2008-07-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

Dr Himsnshu Tyagi, founder of postgraduate "online community" Rxpgonline.com has hit out at social networking sites, claiming they give young people (teenagers to you and me) a "reduced sensory experience".

He also blaimed them for the Bridgend suicides.

It is unkown whether Mr Tyagi has a Facebook or Myspace account, or if he's even visted the sites.

He did state that psychiatrists were unequipped to deal with the mental health of those born after 1990, who cannot remember a time without the internet.

Yeah, them and everybody else. The joy of being under 30 in the age of the credit crunch, sky high oil prices, the war against terror and an imminent global warming sponsored catrosphe is that you can understand the internet.

Try it on your over 30 boss some time. Watch the beads of sweat cascade down his forhead as you start talking about the joys of social networking, e-petitions, website design and even blogging.

Deep down he knows that unless he can get his head round it he can kiss his career goodbye.

What Dr Tyagi failed to understand in his indepth study of the internet is that social networking sites allow the user some control over their identity.

Etiquette, manners and social standings that plauge users by the day don't exist on facebook.

For example, that skinny bitch who dressed like she read too Elle magazine at school wants to be your friend. Find her inspid and boring? Hey, just decline her friend request.

There's no mess, no conflict and no need to justify yourself to her.

While Dr Tyagi may worry that users will miss out on vital lessons in how to stand up for themselves, don't worry, you probably will have had to stand up to her on a daily basis at school.

Social networking sites do not exist outside of reality, they go along with it.

Facebook is really a giant address book so all thos aquaintences you met at uni you can still have the occasional chat with, even if you didn't get to know them that well at the time.

And who ahsn't rejoiced when, pissed, your mobile's gone missing. Huzzah! All your friends in one, easily contactable place.

Dr Tyagi was quick to say "no one is a pariah on the net. It's great at flattenting social heirarchies."

Yes, the exact hierarchies most teenagers need a break from.

This blog is still tryin to repress most teenage memories, but what it does remember is this:

A general understanding of who you are met with a massive misunderstanding and heavily judgemental look from the peer group.

Instead of wailing about the dangers of the net (parental control is there for a reason) the older generation should try embracing it for themselves.

An ocean of corruption

2008-07-03T03:38:00.000-07:00

Gorden Brown (who else?) has been accused of offering incentives to push his 42 day extension terror bill through the commons.

Clearly its a slow news day and this fits nicely with the trend of curruption in the commons news stories we've been hit with recently.

This story all boils down to an MP who repeadtly proved himself a canker on New Labour's withered body.

Yep, that guy. Also known as MP Keith Vaz.

Currently leading an admirable campaign to cut down the number of CCTV cameras used in the UK (estimated at 5 million) he appeared to be moving away from his dodgy fucker tag.

The case against Keith Vaz
Exhibit A: The Filkin inquiry.

Recommended suspension from the house for 1 month after being found guilty of "contempt of the house". He was cleared of 8 out of 28 "charges" of financial wrongdoings, including accepting donations from professionals who were later recommended for peerages.

Exhibit B: accepting donations from the Hinduja brothers.

Well, not actually them, their "charitable foundation". Why doesn't this charitable foundation have a name? Anwyay, a 1 month suspension from the commons was recommended.

Exhibit C: U Turn on 42 day vote.

Originally against it, as you would expect from someone campaiging against the use of CCTV. Until the Daily Torygraph, sorry, Telegraph, was handed a hand written letter suggesting that MP Vaz would recieve a reward for voting in favour of it.

Oh dear. This really is dodgier than del boy, isn't it?

Of course everyone is innocent until proven guilty (Hi John Lesley!)Unless you're a despearte politician trying to further your own career and push civil liberties to the forfront of the public consciousness.

Sorry, were we talking about Keith Vaz or Gorden Brown?

Anyway, for anyone who is surprised that this sort of things goes on in the commons, insert cynical cackle here.

Are you kidding? In the world of Machiavelli, Palmerston and Keith Vaz you think moral fibre exists? Pah!

The only thing this blog will promise about politics is that the ending of the next entry will be less smug.

Nelson Mandela's off the list

2008-07-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

Nelson Mandela has been taken off the US list of terrorists. No, really, it took them this long.

The list, which includes such alumni as Osama Bin Landen, quadroupled in size after 2003 (This blog wonders why? Could it be that in 2003 the fruits of intelligence labour set up post 9/11 ripened?) and contains very few American names.

Whatever.

Nelson Mandela, the man who spent 27 years in jail for trying to peacefully bring down aparthied (bet Ghandi never had to put up with that) won the 1993 nobel peace prize, and retired from office in 1999 (yes, almost a decade ago) has only now been declared safe to go to Washington.

Someone actually gets paid to comply this list, yet cannot bring themselves to watch the news.

Mr Mandela spent his 90th birthday saying goodbye to friends, statesmen and celebrities, yet still managed to leave us with one important message.

One man's terrorist is another's freedom fighter.

Traffic choas part 2

2008-07-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

A Palestinian has slammed a bulldozer into a bus in Jerusalem, killing two people. He was then shot dead by Isreali police.

Despite the similiarites in title, these are in fact very different news stories with a completely different spin.

Call us crazy, but this blog decided to rain the funny/wit/venom in a little for this one.

Attacks by Palestinian militants have been rare in Jerusalem, what with the cities spiritual significance.

Palestinians are facing a water crisis in the West bank, which has helped tensions in the region to mount.

The water crisis has been brewing for some time.

Isreal has had control over Palestinian water resources and if there's way to piss a peoples off, its to deny them the very source of life and sanatation.

Traffic choas imminent

2008-07-02T02:23:00.000-07:00

Hundreds of pissed off lorry drivers are descending on London to protest against a rise in fuel tax.

Pissed off behind tonnes of reinforced steel, the protest will ensure no one is getting on the A40.

If only all those cycle protesters could muster together this kind of blockade! Granted, it would take the entire student population to cycle together to close one slip road, but its a start.

But I digress....

The demonstration is in response to the highest fuel tax on record. Lorry drivers will parade past the Houses of Commons, despite that stupid law that says you can't have a noisy protest within a half mile radius of it.

That's right, all those truckers driving past Parliament and they're not allowed to honk their horns.

This blog would love to be there to see it! (We're on work experience at Independent at the moment. Well, answering phones, but apparently they're synonomous.) That horn will look like a big red button just aching to be touched.

All it will take is one lorry driver to give it the slip, and then WHAM! They'll all be off!

This blog would worry about the presence of hundreds of pollutant lorries in the capital, but it will probably make the smog more centralised.

Maybe the government should start looking at individual cases instead of slapping a one rule for them all tax.

Individualism always was a tad tricky for Labour governments to grasp.

If Alistar's Darling could only get greyer with worry....but it can't.

Mugbabe moans

2008-07-01T06:47:00.001-07:00

An aide of Robert Mugabe has stuck his two fingers worth (sorry) up at the West telling reporters critics of the 'president' could "go hang a thousand times".

You would say the same if the geriatric dictator had bought you a mansion as well.

In Mugabe land (not to be confused with Zumbabwe. We're talking about his head here) the opposition didn't withdraw because of concerns about violence, they boycotted.

When asked if Zimbabwe should follow Kenya and create a government of national unity,the aide responded, "Kenya is Kenya. Zimbabwe is Zimbabwe."

Well don't hold back love, you already let it out at the west. Why are you being coy now? It isn't like you might think they have a point.

If the AU had the balls to tell Mugabe where to stick it, like Nelson Mandela did on his 90th birthday, then maybe a few lives could be saved.

In other creepy Mugabe news; the most outspoken of Mugabe's critics, Zambien president Levy Mwanawasa suffered a stroke.

So now not even an African can bollock Mugabe. Not that he'd listen anyway.

Fuel tax fuck up

2008-07-01T05:37:00.000-07:00

Alistar Darling is facing another revolt over fuel tax, this time from members of the cabinet.

This blog assumes it is in light to public pressure - lorry drivers refusing to work, gas pipes being switched off etc - and not more conflicts on how to suitably green in the 21st century.

But surprise, surprise how the steryotypes survive. The cabinet minister behind the complaint is - the business secretary John Hutton.

While the impending tax certianly screws the smaller businessman, can it really have that much of an impact on big buisness?

Survey says: no.

It may consitute an annoying pain in the foot, which when looked at, will let bigger buisness know its time to go out and do something about the whole problem of killing the planet.

Democratic vandals

2008-06-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

60 cars were vandalised by anti-Obama supporters in Flordia last night, near Orlando City Hall.

This blog is not sure what is worse. That business cards left behind suggest Hilary supporters are responsible for this, or that the vandals spelt Obama wrong (It was spelt Oboma. Fucktards.)

Surely this is a time to remember what is important; that the draconian/Repbulican party are voted out.

Lets have no more of this in fighting. Or bad spelling. Or poor grammar.

And for the record, in his book Obama admitted to taking cocaine, not crack.

Of course, it could always have been Draconian supporters trying to make it look like Democratic in fighting.

Isn't specualtion fun?

Barack vs McCain round 1

2008-06-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

Polish migrants are to England what hispanic migrants are to America.

In short, the westerners economy would be fucked without their cheap labour. They're also a good vote to have on your side, Mr McCain. (Look, you should know who he is, this blog will not link to him!)

Despite isolating himself from his draconian, sorry, Repbulican party by not blaming everything on immigration, he hasn't stood behind it either.

At a rally Mr. McCain waffled about the importance of Mexican immigrants but said that "America must secure her borders."

First of all, saying that "her" borders are unsecure makes her sound like a whore. And she's not. She's a country.

Secondly, don't bite the hands that feed you. Bush would have been screwed without those votes.

Then Obama accused him of flip flopping and not sticking to his policies.

Look, this blog is really behind Obama. But he will be subject to the same scrutiny as everyone else. So, on that note:

Kettle, pot and black senator Obama. Saying change a lot does not make it a policy.

Yes, I'm sure you're a breathe of fresh air, and I can't believe some of the racism being thrown in your direction.

But really, the only reason you haven't flip flopped is because you haven't announced a controversial policy that you may well back out of at the last minute.

Put some balls into it and publicise what you stand for, not how you would go about achieveing it.

A shambles in Africa

2008-06-30T04:15:00.000-07:00

So, Mugabe's loyalty to democratic values remains as sporadic as my blogging.

Sorry, self-centered I know, but then, this is blogland.

Right then, back to Mugabe.....

The man once responsible for Zimbabwe's colonial liberation looks set to send it back into colonialisation. Except this time, it'll be the Chinese who own Zimbabwe's ass.

Safe in the knowledge that neither of these countries will be able to see/arrest me for writing a "dissident" blog, let's look at the cases against them:

1.) Mugabe - Once friend to the Crown and servant to democracy, has morphed into a man denounced by Niaomi Campbell (who knew she read the papers?) as a "modern day hitler".
2.) China - known for locking up journalists/Tibetins/residents who stand in the way of an olympic stadium meets mental African President with an inflation problem.

What's the result I hear you ask? Why, one of them mortgages his entire country's natural resources out to the other.

And then proceeds to blame any attempt to oust him from power as an English conspiracy.

Has that guy seen the front pages recently? Does England look like it has the military resources/time and patience/first fucking clue of how to intervene in Zimbabwe?

Answer: no.

David Davis jacks it in.

2008-06-12T05:03:00.000-07:00

David Davis has resigned as an MP.

That's not just jacking in the illustrious position of shadow cabinet minister, but from the whole hog of politics.

Mr Davis does want to come back to the Commons.

He plans to force a by-election in his constituency. Mr Davis said he wanted to challenge the government against "the slow strangulation of fundamental freedoms of this country by this government."

This blog never thought it would support a Tory, but this is the most punk rock protest we've seen since...well, we can't think of one.

He does attempt to dramatise this by-election by pitching it as a direct challenge to the erosion of freedoms provided by the magna carta.

This is a Machiavellian move as much as it is a principled one.

New Labour's recent arse kicking by the Tories in Crewe and London signalled the beginning of the end for the "3rd way" party.

The Tory party press office must be salivating at this chance to galvanise anti-Labour feeling.

The Lib Dems have refused to put up a candidate against Mr Davis, presumably to lend their support.

Mr Davis may be presenting himself as a single-issue candidate, but his constituents will already be familiar with his work.

But cross roads lie ahead for Mr Davis.

He may well come across as a single issue MP and nobody likes those, (just look at Kilroy Silk).

Or, his constituents could be familiar with his work and give him back the mandate with renewed zeal at his level of conviction.

Or they could just be confused by the entire thing.

Labour needs a hole in the head like a 42 day extension

2008-06-11T04:10:00.000-07:00

The 42 day extension vote is upon us and everyone from couture fashion designers to David Davis (his parents are so creul! Who names their child David when their surname is Davis?) arguing against it.

One Labour MP has been quoted saying "Labour need this vote like a hole in the head."

Well the UK needs this legislation like a hole in the head.

This blog has said it once and it'll say it again: There are too many eerie similarties between Lettres de Cachet and this legislation.

There's also an eerie simliarity between Guatanamo bay and the Bastille, but that would disrupt the theme of this blog.

What's important is that Gordon Brown has royally screwed himself with this legislation.

MI5 don't want it, the police don't want it, and suspected terrorists certainly don't want it.

In fact does anyone want it?

This legislation reeks of New Labour's half arsed attempt to appease Conservative middle England.

But because its a half arsed attempt, they come off looking more right-wing than dinner with Michael Howard and Kilroy Silk.

This blog refuese to link to either of them.

Bye bye Hilary

2008-06-10T11:21:00.001-07:00

Couldn't neglect my favourite news story from the last 2 weeks.

Bye Hilary, we'll miss you love.

It's a shame your main rival oozed charisma, could easily communicate with voters and looks good in a suit.

You had all your personality sucked out by Bill Clinton and those pearls you seem to insist on wearing. And the less said about those pastels suits you wore the better.

Will she make VP? Hmmm...does anyone really want their President and VP arguing that much?

True she the policies, experience, contacts and general know how. But she also has an unrivalled level of determination. That never mixes well with politics.

Anyway, let us not forget our mantra:

Not McCain, not McCain, not McCain.

While I was sleeping...

2008-06-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay but the last 2 weeks were taken up by the following:

1.) End of uni stuff projects.
2.) End of uni paperwork.
3.) Being rejected from numerous graduate positions (I've lost count).

It also got worse for Gordon Brown. No one thought it could get any worse, but no, it did.

Boris Johnson won the London election (ugh, why?) and neither MI5 or the police have asked for an extension of terrorism laws.

Hier apparents have been named. Jack Straw, who had just looked happy to be there, now looks confused whenever anyone suggests he should have the job.

David Miliband on the other hand starts salivating whenever his name is mentioned.

Just look at the smug git:

Sorry, wrong one. They're easily confused sometimes:

It doesn't matter. The Tories will be in at the next election. And then my allergy to Eton boys will be in full swing.

The new Tory Crewe

2008-05-23T03:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, that was a bad pun.

New Labour have been given their political marching orders after a historic loss in Crewe.

A safe seat for 26 years, its seems even fate wants them out of the way as this by-election came about after the death of the previous Labour MP, Gwyneth Dunwoody.

Oh. Dear. Gorden. You're pretty fucked now.

Far be it from me to agree with David Cameron (I'm allergic to Eton boys) the Labour campaign was based on out dated stereotypes from the 80s class war.

Top hats and Tory toffs embodied the rhetoric used to try and sway the voters towards them.

The problem is that after New Labour's combined bungling of the state school system, and economic prosperity (thus allowing more people to send their children to private school) fewer voters are terrified by the sight of a sloaney.

We'll see how long that lasts. Cameron will be the next PM, as anti-Labour fever looks set to continue until after the 2010 election.

Still, the sense of euphoria which washed the Tories away in 1997 seems unlikely.

The most likely outcome is that people will only voted Tory because they are anti-New Labour.

This makes me despair a little. Politicians should be inspiring figures (just look at Obama) and people should feel excited about politics, not angry because their government is lousy.

Oh well, just so long as there's no repeat of Blair's babes, that really was vomit inducing.

What would we have instead? Cameron's cunts? For all of those now grimacing at the sight of the C word, remember the Daily Star. They really wouldn't be above using that.

It's my right and my life

2008-05-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

With a majority of 168, MPs voted to allow the creation of hybrid embryos.

Hurrah! With my faith in politics momentarily restored, it leads me to my next point:
The abortion debate.

This blog has always been outspoken, particularly on its views regarding a woman's right to choose and control her own body.

A few premature babies have survived outside the womb prior to 24 weeks. Which is great for them.

What does this have to do with my right to choose? According to that witch Nadine Dorris, everything.

There is little to no scientific evidence to back up her argument. I refuse to link to it, but its called 20 arguments for 20 weeks.

So here's the counter argument: 24 arguments for 24 weeks.

Also in the news: In God's Name, broadcast 19th May, and focusing on the growth and influence the Christian fundamentalist movement in England has.

This programme terrified me - and I'm a practicing Christian. (Don't worry, I do believe in evolution).

A lot of the rhetoric sounded like the stuff the crazy homeless geezer at the train station (everyone has one) shouts at innocent commuters.

And then there was the woman. I forget her name (sorry, but I was gripped with fear, details like names went out the window) but her zealous stare and PR savvy machinations made my skin crawl.

And guess what? She was the main lobbyist on the anti-abortion campaign.

She was also directly quoted (twice) saying "Islam is a false religion".

This woman is clearly unhinged. It is not her business to go around telling other women what they can or cannot do with their bodies, neither is it her business to profess such a biased opinion on a religion she does not practice.

Will someone please hit her with a copy of Rumi's poetry and the feminine mystique and be done with it?

Embryology and moral theology

2008-05-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

The long awaited free vote on "controversial" and possibly life saving (funny how close those two usually are) research involving hybrid cow/human embryos will be taking place this afternoon in the Commons.

Preliminary studies say this research will aid the fight for a cure to diseases like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.

Opponents of the bill say it is against nature and immoral.

Isn't it immoral to allow people to die in pain, without any dignity or any knowledge of where the fuck they are?

According to the people spearheading the opposition, somebody else's slow death isn't immoral.

Using cells with the same structure as a tadpole to find a cure for debilitating illnesses is though.

Good times and global warming.

2008-05-13T04:56:00.000-07:00

Global warming is:

1.) really happening.
2.) The increase in the temperature of Earth's service caused by man made technologies.
3.) Part of Jeremy Clarkson's daily rant.

Whilst procrastinating on Facebook I found this.

It aims to highlight the advantages of global warming.

Whatever. It's just the most amusing thing I've seen all day.

The technology of embryology

2008-05-13T02:47:00.000-07:00

The Embryology bill has bull dozed through the commons, despite scaring the crap out of everyone.

Yes, this is a loud and shouty bill and this will be a loud and shouty blog.

The bill is to allow stem cell research, in which animal and human embryos to be joined together, to be carried out in the UK.

The timing could not be worse for Mr Brown. Roman Catholic ministers are threatening to rebel over the bill.

Controlling ANOTHER rebellion (how many has it been now Gorden? 5? 6? 10?) against 3 Roman Catholic cabinet ministers must have flustered Mr Brown quite a bit.

Especially when one of those minsters is the Transport Secretary, Ruth Kelly, and looks like this:

And you should hear the woman talk. If you think she looks a man now, those deep, throaty tones do nothing to dispel rumours that she once had a dongle between her legs.

And she was opposed because because the bill would recognise lesbian couples as lawful parents.

Shouldn't she be glad that she can now come out and not loose her kids?

So Obama won?

2008-05-07T02:40:00.001-07:00

The final democratic primaries have continued to flow of confusion in the Hilary vs. Obama race.

Obama might have won, but with the results as they are, mostly people are still confused.

Hilary managed to close a double digit gap over the weekend, giving her campaign fresh hope.

But her White House dreams were dashed after Obama won North Carolina with a 58% majority.

Still, Obama's not bowling up the steps of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. just yet.

Hilary won Indiana, but without the convincing margin Obama has.

John Edwards, of all people, is turning out to be a beacon of common sense. Echoing feelings on both sides of the Atlantic, he summed up the problems with either contender.

Obama needs "more substance under rhetoric" and Hilary is tough, but too full of "the old politics".

Translated: Obama needs some policies and Hilary needs to wake up to ditch the twin set and pearls.

Put Chelsea in charge. She had the decency to go out drinking with real people.

And clearly knows how to create a good PR opportunity.

Fuck it, make up your minds between whichever one says America's grown up.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, NOT McCain, NOT McCain, NOT McCain.

What a depressing weekend

2008-05-06T07:45:00.001-07:00

Well, the douschebag won. Well done Boris on grabbing victory from the hands of a bent, drunk newt.

Actually, scrap that, Boris is a fucking idiot who couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel.

This was part of Labour's slip into 3rd place thanks to a walloping in the local elections.

It appears that the only person surprised by this news was Gorden Brown.

Rallying the counter-attack, Mr Brown continued his leadership style of apologising to everyone and doing nothing to solve the real problems his administration face.

Darling's meeting tax rebels and Brown's meeting voters.

Well that's New Labour fucked then.

The squid that makes me squirm

2008-04-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

Scientists dissectingthe worlds largest squid have measured its eyes in an extra attempt to make everyone squirm in fear.

Should we be terrified by this news story? My worst nightmares consist of 2 things.

They are:

1.) Being chased by those monsters from 28 days later with no Cillian Murphy to rescue me.
2.) This.

Just look at it! It's 10 meters long and has a colossal in front of its name.

It looks like something from Alien vs. Predator - the Natural History version.

It's. Just. Really. Cool.

Thoughts?

Horray! House prices fall!

2008-04-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

Another day, another house price/credit crunch story designed to scare the living crap out of middle class home owners.

Imagine it: you've saved for years, poured your heart and soul into it, maybe even borrowed money from the dodgy looking Ocean finance people, only to have your only considerable asset loose a grand.

On behalf of first time buyers everywhere, can I say: I don't care.

Oh no, when the world goes balls up you won't have anything to sell. How tragic.

I live in a shoebox in North London. The building shakes every time the trains go past. The kitchen is so small I keep bumping my head on the ceiling whenever I want to take my dinner out of the oven.

Bring on the credit crunch. I might actually be able to afford a house.

A duschebag and a turd sandwich.

2008-04-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

London mayoral elections are finally upon us, and thank fucking God, because if I have to look at Ken and Boris one more time I'll hand the keys to the city over the next passing totalitarian operation.

This election has brought every self publicising idiot out of the woodwork, and yes, that does mean George Galloway is running.

We do have a 3rd option, and a voting system which might allow him to win.

Brian Paddick has had an actual job (he was the copper in charge of Brixton) has proved he can run things (hard drug crime plummeted after he relaxed the cannabis laws) and, SHOCK! HORROR! sounds like he might be in touch.

If anyone living in London is reading this please vote for him. Don't give in to having to choose between a giant duschebag and a turd sandwich.

UN talks about food crises

2008-04-29T03:59:00.000-07:00

The UN has set up a "food crises task force" to tackle to starvation/riots/imminent conflicts which are arising due to the high price in food.

Remember the UN? They were the body which used to spearhead liberal interventions (e.g Bosnia) before George W. Bush bypassed their laws to invade Iraq, thus rendering them useless.

So will this really help?

Well, the WHO has been a major success.

Its just everything else that screwed up.

After BBC1's Panorama programme last night, its hard to trust the UN.

To be honest, its hard to trust Panorama these days. Once the jewel in the BBC current affairs crown, its been cut down to half an hour on a Monday to lure "younger" viewers.

This is the programme that sent former Blur bassist aka most useless person in Britian to Columbia to investigate cocaine production.

My only regret in watching that episode was that he did not get shot.

As the younger viewer they're trying to lure may I suggest broadcasting a programme in which there may be some relevance to my age. E.g Why do the media portray anyone under 25 as a knife toting, hoodie wearing death threat?

But I digress.

The main problem with food shortages is biofuel.

With climate change imminent, we can no longer keep going at the rate we are. No amount of biofuel is going to change our fate.

Only slowing down will.

Another human interest story too far.

2008-04-28T06:59:00.000-07:00

A 73 year old Austrian man has confessed to imprisoning his daughter in a cellar and fathering her 7 children.

Dear God people, was 1 cellar rape story not enough?

This story does show us that even in the happy land of post feminism, there are still men out there willing to hold women in literal slavery.

How does some one stay alive without trees, blue skies and bird song that long?

There have been far too many cellars and abuse stories this year. First that Jersey thing and now this. That's quite enough thank you.

I would like to think that this story has come out in light of the children's home in Jersey. That someone realised quite how sick they were and decided to finally do the right thing.

But somehow I doubt that. I'm just left wondering about the prospect of more cellars and more women locked away.

Sheer lazyness

2008-04-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Sort of.

Due to a lack of internet connection and an addiction to Midsummer Murders, I decided to take some time off from slagging important people off and the threat of defamation suits.

Of course I'm not an "I'm". I'm too much of a coward to face up to posting my actual face next this blog.

So really I could be anyone. Maybe I'm a massive tranny hooker hoping to finally get my big break on Dirty Sexy Money.

Or maybe I live in a basement working on copies of my socialist news letter, living in hope of the day I finally take the man down.

Or maybe I'm just a nice girl from the home counties with too much time on my hands.

But enough about me. Let bitch fest May 2008 commence.

Tony Blair denounced, again.

2008-04-10T08:08:00.001-07:00

The High Court has ruled that the Serious Fraud Office failed to do its job by not investigating a case of, um, serious fraud.

The case in question is a 43bn arms deal with the Saudi Arabian government.

Defence firm BAE has been accused of offering kick backs to Saudi officials in exchange for contracts.

The Serious Fraud Office say an investigation would compromise national security.

Oh please. No one has been taking that excuse seriously since a Glaswegian baggage handler punched a terrorist and (temporarily) made everyone proud of Glasgow.

Would compromise national security? Would compromise certain ministers security, more like.

The only compromise to British security was made by the Blair government when it refused to defend the morals it had gotten elected on.

China's PR nightmare

2008-04-06T04:20:00.000-07:00

The olympic torch has continued its journey across the globe, leaving unbridled controversy in its wake.

This is inevitable when your country committs human rights atrocities acoss the globe.

I'm English, trust me, I should know.

Tere was scuffling, someone tried to take out a blue Peter presenter, and a fire extinguisher was branded.

And China refuses to comment unless its to slag off the Dalai Lama.

I'm sure its nice sitting up there, watching the economy develop, counting down the days until their a super power.

But please, do not expect people to come to you.

China, you fucked up. A lot. Almost as bad as we did. Skip the years of hositility, wathdraw and apologise. NOW.

Or there will be no more money spinning, revenue rainbows like the olympics coming to Beijing/Shangai again.

I hate Terminal 5

2008-04-04T05:26:00.001-07:00

With the Easter holidays finally arriving I was looking forward to going to as many gigs as possible.

I had Calvin Harris tickets. After my initial apprehension (he did sound like an inbred mutant on Tmobile act unsigned) he turned out to put on stonking live show in Sydney.

So imagine my joy when I found he was playing in my home town. Until THIS happened.

WTF????

I blame this completely on terminal 5. They lost his baggage containing the only copy of his new album.

My like of him increased when he threatened to burn down T5. I have made no secret of my vitriolic hatred of BAA and their minions of doom, BA.

These feelings are inevitable if you grow up under the Heathrow flight path.

And I'm sure somehow, (even though these cancellations are blamed on "European commitment's) this is T5's fault.

Bet DJ Yoda would never pull this shit.

This looks like its going to get violent.

2008-04-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

Robert Mugabe is briefing his tyrannical Zanu PF party on how to cope with the "official" Presidential results.

The election has resulted in a stalemate, with Mugabe wandering through a tyrants no man's land.

Wander what the brochure for that looks like? Do you think they have a buffet lunch while discussing spin? I bet the lecture on how to cover up indiscretions is fun.

Anyway, I digress.

Despite an estimated 8000 ghost votes and pulling every string in the Kennedy/Bush sponsored how to rig an election manual, the election has shown no overall winner.

What's the chance that the opposition won by a landslide which is now being countered by all the BS Mugabe would muster?

Given Mugabe's track record that's a lot of BS.

It would be great if democratic values prevailed and the opposition leader was put in power.

But this is the reality of Iraq, Terminal 5 and Chechnya. With Zimbabwean refugees fleeing to South Africa there may only be Mugabe's croanies left in the country.

This is amazing

2008-04-02T04:17:00.000-07:00

Whilst trawling the web for in depth news on the American primaries, I found this.

God bless the Metro weird section!

I now feel that no political campaign would be complete without a cross dressing dwarf.

Severed head found by children

2008-04-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

No I didn't make that up.

Two children playing on a beach in Angus have found the decapitated remains of a woman wrapped in a plastic bag.

Well that's bound to screw them up for life.

After the discovery the children notified their mother, who called the police.

What is going on at the moment? Human interest stories seem to have gotten completely out of hand on this fair isle.

There's that whole Jersey thing going on at the moment, (it makes me grimace) Shannon, Scarlett and (always) Maddie, what's next?

Some one kidnaps Alistair Darling, sells him to white slave dealers only for him to paddle to freedom in a canoe?

Zimbabwe gets worse

2008-04-01T05:54:00.000-07:00

Full election results have yet to be declared in Zimbabwe.

Don't worry, I'm sure Mugabe will "win".

Morgan Tsvangirai has gone into hiding amid fears for his life. He's still declaring a landslide victory for his Zanu-PF party.

Just when Zimbabwe looks like it might collapse, Mugabe continues to grip onto power.

That's what mortgaging everything to China will do for you.

Sorry for stating this obvious, but this has an imminent sticky ending written all over it.

I hate Bono

2008-03-31T04:04:00.000-07:00

I really do, the guy is such a self-righteous wanker.

And then this happened.

12 years? 12 more bloody years of the same dad rock chords and projected catholic guilt?

Will some one please shut them up?

Mugabe kills Zimbabwe

2008-03-31T03:53:00.000-07:00

Zimbabwe's first bout of election results are in, and guess what, they're probably fake.

The 24 parliamentary constituencies are split evenly.

This is very hard to believe as it is customary for countries to the brink of collapse to oust the person in charge.

And more to them. Mr Mugabe is responsible for human rights atrocities, dissolving any semblance of democracy, and enforcing state controlled media.

Call me crazy, but I just don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.

I'll give to most Zimbabweans that the British screwed them over. This is true, colonialism really didn't do anyone any favours.

But we're not out to sabotage them now.

We're too busy buggering up Iraq and Afghanistan to go worry about countries we used to govern.

Terminal 5 - hahaha!

2008-03-27T09:45:00.001-07:00

All those who read this blog regularly will know of my obtuse hate for Heathrow and BAA.

So all I can say is:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And sorry to Mum, Dad, my brother and uncle who are all stuck there waiting for their luggage to re-appear.

Well, if you will go away over Easter......

The Hottie and the nottie 2

2008-03-27T09:34:00.001-07:00

The Hottie and the Nottie continued their historic state visit during a painful time for England.

I wonder if President Sarkozy watched the game with her Majesty? Or was he put off by Prince Phillip?

Mr. Brown must have loved discussing his Entente Formidable, all the time knowing Sarkozy was chanting one nil in his head.

Really, this Entente sounds great. If anything it will move us away from America and the Bush administration, something most English have wanted since the start of the Iraq war.

But I have to wonder how long this will hold up in the current international climate?

Darfur is getting worse, the G8 needs more than a shake up and immigration - well, that's never a happy subject is it?

Well I have enjoyed the visit of the hottie and the nottie, I hope the hilarity continues.

The Hottie and the nottie

2008-03-26T08:37:00.000-07:00

This blog WILL NOT have anything to do with Paris Hilton. It's just a useful title.

It will have a lot to do with these two:

See what I did there?

Anyway, sorry for disappearing for a few days. Yes a lot of politics happened but I was pre-occupied with Jesus/Easter/The Eastenders omnibus (OhmyGod! Tanya's gone mental!)

So sorry for missing, well everything that happened over the Easter weekend.

It's not like Iran nicked any of our soldiers again.

Right, I'll stop rambling now. Promise.

So, the Hottie and the Nottie have come to England's fair shores to meet the Queen.

And Sarzoky wants a closer relationship with Britain, and is using a lazy glove metaphor to convey his message.

Will some one please tell him this is the UK? We use soap opera's and comedy to broadcast important social messages.

Who looks like they have more common sense, exhibit A or exhibit B:

That's all I'm saying.

More Tibet

2008-03-19T05:05:00.001-07:00

This says it all.

Free Tibet

2008-03-19T03:47:00.001-07:00

After blaming his holiness the Dalai Lama for the results of his own totalitarianism, Wen Jiabo must be breathing a sigh of relief at the "settling" of violence in Tibet.

Chinese authourities are claiming more than 100 protesters have handed themselves in.

This is a country which imprisons journalists for "dissent", has committed too many crimes to list in the name of the Olympics, and has occupied a passive country for....what was the reason again?

I doubt very much these protesters handed themselves in.

And what proof has China supplied that they were even protesting?

The only media allowed into Tibet is state controlled Chinese media. Excuse me if I don't believe it.

Nice guys finish last

2008-03-18T04:15:00.000-07:00

China has managed to put another Machiavellian foot wrong by blaming the Dalai Lama for the uprisings in Tibet.

Clever. Blaming the one religious leader the world DOESN'T hate for your own problems.

How is that going to improve you in the eyes of millions?

You already have a Communist regime (they just love those in the West) which managed to piss off Buddhist monks.

They spend their whole life in a state of spiritual meditation. How do you manage to annoy someone like that?

And to top it all off, rock stars from the likes of Thom Yorke to Bono (wanker) have played Free Tibet concerts.

Oh, and you're regime is oppressive and totalitarian.

Please, don't blame the Dalai Lama, he was just doing what is best for his people. And that will never involve China.

On another note.....

What's a girl gotta do to get some people to comment around here? I still want to collect as many global warming facts/myths/fears as possible.

Get commenting people!

Melting glaciers = doom

2008-03-17T05:37:00.001-07:00

Glaciers are shrinking at the fastest rate since records began, according to new data supplied by the UN environment programme.

Experts have called for immediate action to stop this growing 'trend'.

But I'm already convinced we're fucked.

There are now so many rumours/consequences to global warming, I'm not sure who to listen to.

I am very very scarred though.

These are the worst ones I've heard so far:

I'm not sure which one of these are true, so if people could comment and let me know if they are. Also, please comment and leave the worst facts about global warming that you've heard.

1.) In 90 years there won't be enough air to breathe and we'll all suffocate.

2.) There will be no snow on the alps in 20 years time.

3.) London and New York will be flooded.

4.) Mass famine will ensue after we run out of food and water.

5.) What we're experiencing now is only the beginning as its taken this long for the carbon from the Industrial revolution to catch on to oxygen molecules.

6.) We're going to turn into Venus.

7.) Polar bears are now so depressed at the loss of their natural habitat they are trying to commit suicide.

And the day had started off so well......

The MPs are spoiling themselves.

2008-03-14T06:31:00.000-07:00

All MPs expense accounts look set to be published, detailing how much they blew and on whom, as far as 2004.

Did you notice how I forwent a blow job joke in that last sentence? Event though this is the UK, and we don't have Elliot Spitzer, I still feel it was a sign of my growing maturity.

MPs will still get a second home allowance. Part of this is a £10,000 allowance for their kitchens.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I can't afford to pay water bill in my shoebox flat and those fuckers get extra money for a SECOND home?

Piss takers.

I want to see a mandatory minimum wage allowance inflicted on all the fuckers! Lets see how they many affairs they have when they can't afford an oyster card!

A very American sex scandal

2008-03-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

The prostitute at the centre of the New York governor's um, indiscretions, has been named as Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

Working for a high end prostitution ring, she had been recorded agreeing to meet Elliot Spitzer at a Washington hotel.

Only in America would the public go so mental over a politician diddling someone who wasn't his wife.

Look at the French President. He married this hottie:

Thanks to www.panzerfaust.org for the photo.

She was quoted as saying "monogamy is boring".

And you're worried about a man who looks like a balding blowfish paying for pussy?

How else is he going to get it?

His long suffering wife probably doesn't want to help, and can you blame her?

Bleugh! Can you having that roll on top of you in the morning? No ta.

Anyway, thanks to Mr Spitzer from reminding us all why political sex scandals are always more entertaining than celebrity sex scandals.

If there's one thing more entertaining than beautiful people doing it its knowing that ugly people can get it and be exposed as hypocrites at the same time.

Budget bollocks

2008-03-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

Darling's first budget report has emphasised on the world economic slowdown and Britain's strong economy.

He made no mention of his failings with Northern Rock and made a lot of mention about building a better future.

Great.

He also imposed another rise of fags and used tax to try to prevent binge drinking.

After getting a big slap on the back from his master Gorden, Darling sat as his lap, smiling to himself.

I wonder if he was waiting for a dog biscuit.

There was a lot in the budget about tackling climate change. Again, the only way the government seems to be able to do this is by taxing everyone.

Can't they take some new ideas on board? Like ban plastic bag production within the UK and their sale/usage by supermarkets?

It would have correlated nicely with Nick Clegg's question about big business' role in government and backed up Grown's answer that he supports all these limitations on funding.

If he supports them, why hasn't he imposed them?

Budget fun

2008-03-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

The butt of every political joke from the last six months is due to announce his first budget later today.

The real question this poses: how many Tory policies can New Labour steal in one fell swoop?

Despite my vitriolic hate for all things Conservative.....no, nope, still don't feel sorry for them.

When did British politics become this bland?

Gone are the days when working class Britain was represented by gravelly voiced Tony Benn as he pissed off his own party's PM and annoyed Margaret Thatcher.

And what are we left with? A choice between Iron Man and his bitch:

and a smarmy bastard and his witty yet yappy cocker spaniel:

Meh.

I'm considering taking bets on what new policies are issued/stolen so look for the girl with lots of cash having a numerical meltdown.

Actually scrap that description. People will only confuse me with Darling.

Oath of annoyance

2008-03-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

School-leavers should be forced to take an oath of allegiance to Queen and country in a bid to brainwash, sorry, coerce young citizens into feelings of nationalistic pride.

The report was carried out by Lord Goldsmith (once attorney general) who was probably fed up at those young hoodie wearing whippersnappers treating his court like it had a revolving door.

So under New Labour we've had ASBO's top up fees and some mutterings about raising the drinking age to 21.

Art and community centres have been shut down leaving no where safe, warm and cheap (or even free) for young people to go.

And no one from the age of 15 should be forced to sit round their parents house on a Friday night.

But some bright spark thinks an oath will stop young people in the UK feeling (tick correct box)
1.) isolated
2.) cheated
3.) bored
4.) broke
5.) freezing cold
6.) really bored
7.) really broke
8.) really really bored
9.) screwed over

Will someone please explain this to the people in charge.

You know your in England when.....

2008-03-10T05:37:00.000-07:00

Bad weather is battering the South coasts of England in what is reported to be the worst storm this winter.

This wouldn't be ground breaking news for Britain - our weather is so bad Romantics wrote crappy poems about it - apart from the structural damage its causing.

Houses are falling down, street lights are swinging freely, and the tube lines are part suspended.

I'm not sure if that last ones connected but I'd be surprised if someone at TFL didn't try to blame it on the bad weather.

Another one of the UK's adorable foibles is its inability to cope with any weather that isn't bland.

Rain drops spitting horizontally? No problem in the UK, its like that every day.

Snow? Gales? Hail? Proper rain? Then we're fucked. Real weather comes but once a year and we're always under-prepared for anything other than looting.

Fuck it - its Friday

2008-03-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

Because its a slow news day and a Friday I'm going to indulge in some needless subject matter.

This case comes again from that little jem - the Metro's wierd section.

The headline: French Mayor bans dying.

It was President Roosevelt that said there were two certainties in life; death and taxes.

Thanks to 21st century politics we can rule out the only escape from paying taxes.

Apparently the cemetery is full in the small French town of Sarpounex.

No one is allowed to die there as there's no room in the inn.

Go figure. But where would we be without all these little diversions to distract us from the abject misery in the Middle East today?

A crappy compromise

2008-03-06T06:34:00.000-08:00

Home secretary Jacqui Smith has announced changes to the ID cards scheme, now set to launch fully in 2011/2012.

Look what else happens that year.

Most people will now not have to give their finger prints or any other distinguishing parts of their body - until 2011/2012.

So instead of scrapping a massively unpopular, illiberal scheme, New Labour are just pushing it back a bit in hopes no one will notice.

There are a few character traits I've always liked about the Uk. A fear of totalitarianism instilled in every fetus is one of them.

We also gave the world this man:

Ignoring the starry eyes and weird tasche, he did give the world 1984 and every British child since has been forced to read it.

Jacqui Smith has now earned herself the tag Big Mother, which are words when put together no woman wants to hear.

We have passports and drivers licenses. You can't set foot in a pub in the UK without producing one of them.

So I think we're doing fine on the ID part. No one aside from myself, my doctor and the arresting officer needs my fingerprint details.

Will it ever end?

2008-03-05T02:08:00.001-08:00

Proving that politics is a marathon not a sprint, Hilary Clinton has kept up her White House hopes by winning Texas, Ohio and Rhode Island.

And McCain just keeps on winning.

There needs to be an opposing candidate for the democrats. It wouldn't be democracy if it was just one candidate running.

Does it have to be a Republican?

Can't the Hilary/Obama harpy just fight Ralph Nader?

It would be a much more entertaining fight.

Plus, I'm exhausted from watching this show, and no ones been declared as official candidates yet.

Will one of them concede defeat and full quietly and bitterly into the Vice President position?

Then they can turn their rage inward and save it for the next Presidential elections in 2012.

Oh fucking democracy! Why are there always more elections?

Sorry, minor Kim Jong-Il digression there.

Reasons to love the UK no.2

2008-03-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

There is still much confusion over the 24 hour licensing laws introduced to stop the flow of ASBOs doled out to drunks across the land.

Everyone in charge reckons it works, those drinking agree.

Everyone trying to get elected thinks it a total waste of time. Those doling out ASBOs agree.

If you're still keeping up, this is another reason to love the UK. Why? you might ask.

Well because the circular nature of this debate keeps us, who know the real reason people binge drink, laughing.

Reducing or lengthening the time people can consume alcohol really won't change much.

People will get their hands on it, if they want it enough, regardless of the time of day.

So binge drinking won't be solved either.

The governments, both New Labour and Tory, could try to stop flogging of community centres to supermarket chains, but then they wouldn't make any money to fund defence policies, would they?

And what's binge drinking when more nuclear arms are needed?

Reasons to love the UK no.1

2008-03-04T02:20:00.000-08:00

Pig farmers are marching on Westminster to raise awareness/register their frustration at falling pork profits

The industry is spiraling out of control after pig feed prices doubled.

There may be a pork shortage next year.

As scarred as I might be, there is a worryingly high rate of obesity in this country.

If a few bacon free fry ups is all I have to endure to cut down the rate of a life threatening condition, and prevent Jimmy Carr making more fat jokes, then so be it.

I'm also really, really looking forward to seeing the photos on the 1 o' clock news of a bunch of pissed pigs and their farmers.

I just pity the person who has to pick up the pig poo.

Not a good day for nurses

2008-03-03T06:44:00.000-08:00

Colin Norris, the nurse found guilty of murdering 4 of his patients, has completed what has been a very shitty day for an underpaid, understaffed and under appreciated profession.

The conviction comes after a peer in the House of Lords claimed nursing staff at Bath's Royal Hospital were "grubby and promiscuous".

That sound you can hear is a slow, sarcastic hand clap coming from my desk.

What. An. Idiot. When was the last time this peer had to work a low paying job looking after people with little to no hygiene standard?

This is why living in the UK can become so frustrating.

These people are actually in charge. And its rarely by a democratic vote. Its usually because they were born to the right person at the right time.

And I'm guessing this peer doesn't like anyone who buys their own furniture.

Iran vs Iraq

2008-03-03T04:46:00.000-08:00

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has continued his mission to piss off everyone Western by leading Iran's first official visit to Iraq since the American occupation began.

Strutting onto a red carpet in Baghdad, President Ahmadinejad has again, chosen his moment carefully.

Allied forces are tense due to Prince Harry's evacuation to Britain, after a news blackout failed to stop coverage of his time on the front line.

Its the Easter fiasco all over again. This is a strategically chosen time to show up and try to expose allied security provisions as a shambles.

Doesn't he know that we can do that on our own?

Mr Ahmadinejad tried his best to smooth over centuries of hatred between Arabs and Persians by indulging in his favorite past time; slagging off the West.

While he made some good points about Western occupation of Arab states encouraging terrorism, his comments failed to have resonance due to his international status as a "nutter."

If Iran decides to join everyone else in the 21st century by recognising women's rights and civil rights for LGBT, then maybe, just maybe we might take him seriously.

No, scrap that. Most politicians are nuts. It just doesn't help we live in an age of Islamaphobia.

And now the end is near......

2008-03-03T04:28:00.000-08:00

Its the last push for Clinton as she goes in guns blazing to try and win the democratic nomination.

And she will need a gun, as prying it from Obama's cold dead hands may well be the only way she can win it.

But wait, what's this? A political scandal looming?

Antoin Rezko's trial starts today.

"Tony" (didn't anyone learn anything from the Sopranos?) Rezko is up on corruption charges.

The prosecution claims Mr Rezko accepted bribes from companies looking to break into Illinois, where Mr Rezko had a plethora of political contacts.

This included Barack Obama. His 1996 campaign for Illinois senate was part funded by Mr Rezko.

And just do make matters more dubious, Obama bought and set up camp in Mr Rezko's old house.

I love the smell of scandal in the morning.

Chelsea for President?

2008-03-02T02:55:00.000-08:00

The real star of the democratic primaries has emerged as Chelsea clinton.

Gone is the gwaky teenager and in her place; a female version of Bill.

Which is what everyone really wants, isn't it?

Hilary may have the knoweldge, connections, political know how but she also has the charisma of an autistic ant.

Shame, really. After Obama's message of hope has precurred no policies, I'm starting to warm to Lady Clinton a little more.

Chelsea seems to surpass both her parents.

She has Bill's charisma, Hilary's intelligence and her own sense of self.

Alright, it would mean more of the Clinton dynasty, but if Republicans are going to have dynasties then so should democrats.

It took a Cliton to clear up the mess made by the last Bush; America could probably use another one.

What's important is not to forget our mantra;

NOT McCain, NOT McCain, NOT McCain.

It didn't work

2008-02-29T05:50:00.000-08:00

So click here instead.

Father Ted fanatics unite!

2008-02-29T05:38:00.000-08:00

Fuck politics, religious satire is a far more adulterous affair!

Look elsewhere for your Brown's, Cameron's, Clegg's and Darlings because today is all about Ted fest!

Back when the sitcom was still considered entertaining, a show about ostracized Priests ruled channel 4's Friday night line up.

It also clashed with Red Dwarf. Whichever TV executive thought that one up should be exiled from England.

Anyway.....

Now that various islanders have stopped bitching about who owns what, the festival is back on!

There's a golden clerics awards and a lovely girls festival!

Best of all there will be a bunch of pissed up punters in religious fancy dress shouting Feck! and Arse! at one another.

I just hope someone tries to reenact the episode with the speeding milkfloat.

I've tried to up load it here, so enjoy!

Network Rail and their shopping list of doom

2008-02-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

Network rail have been fined a record £14 million for being really good at running an appalling transport service.

The British public appreciate the government trying to punish the peons in charge of NR. We really do. After the years of waiting in the cold for a mythical train that never arrives, its nice to see someone with power attempt to tell them they're shit.

Unfortunatly a fine of £14 million means Network Rail will be jacking up ticket fairs to pay for it.

Which really means we, and primarily me, will be paying for it.

I can't drive and I want to protect the environment. To achieve this I spend a lot of time on trains at great expense to me.

And now taking a 40 minute ride from Paddington to Maidenhead which already costs too much, will now probably cost more than £10.

So well done the government for trying to teach the peons in charge a lesson.

Its just a shame you've proved yourself to be peons in charge as well.

Turbulence for Big Ben

2008-02-27T01:56:00.000-08:00

Anti-Heathrow expansion protesters have scaled the Houses of Parliament in protest over plans for a 3rd runway.

These protests echo the ones two days ago when protesters climbed on top of a plane and lowered banners voicing their opposition to the pointless expansion.

Having grown up in the Windsor/Maidenhead/Slough triangle of doom, all I can say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Take that you BAA twats! Because of your fucking flight path I now can't sleep unless there is a large amount of background noise.

Why don't you grow up in a flight path AND next to the M4? Then we'll talk about aviation expansion.

I'm already from a land populated by these:

And a 3rd runway will means loads more of these:

Or, if you were in the UK last night, it will be like sleeping through that earthquake every bloody night.

And 5.3 scale earthquakes are more like the first Blair term; it was fine the first time round but you don't want to repeat the experience.

Points for Prozac

2008-02-26T02:21:00.000-08:00

Anti-depressants have "shown" to have little clinical benefit for most patients.

There is much confusion over this subject. The doctor on BBC breakfast claims the placebos had the same effect as Prozac.

This doesn't mean that anti-depressants are useless. Apparently. But it probably does mean he's well aware most drug companies will sue at the smell of something slanderous, so he's being very, very careful.

The news anchors on the programme then became confused. Does this mean Prozac doesn't work? Are these special Placebo's? Does this mean that the Scientologists might win (NEVER!)?

I'm left with one question: what will Elizabeth Wurtzel do?

Anyway, back to the main point. Prozac, as with any other anti-depressant ability to be receptive will always depend on the patient. Every brain is different and so every drug will effect it differently.

Prozac, Lithium, Risperdol, these all need to beused in accordance with therapy.

Brown's defense

2008-02-25T04:49:00.000-08:00

Gordon Brown has defended the House of Commons Speaker, Michael Martin, against claims he used air miles for personal use.

How much time has the Prime Minister spent defending his cabinet ministers/speakers/anyone he's ever appointed?

Surely this would add up to a massive amount of billable hours if he was a defense lawyer.

In fact, wouldn't he be much better/happier doing that for a living? He could stand there, doing that weird claw thing he does with his hand when reading a speech, and scare the jury into agreeing with him

Alright, may be I've gotten a little carried away after watching Michael Clayton

Mr Martin could probably use his help right now. They could cover up his mistakes, take down the witch hunt, and shout I'm Shira the God of Death! whilst torching down Tory HQ.

Shame that version won't have Tilda Swinton in it.

I'm so glad she won the oscar. And she brought up the ill fated Batman role of her co-star. Brilliant.

UK primaries?

2008-02-25T01:38:00.000-08:00

A former minister has called for US style primaries to be used when choosing Westminister candidates.

This would expand the powers of accountability the electorate has. Apparently.

Could it be that Labour MP Frank Field has got a little carried away with the soap opera antics of the democratic primaries?

Does he hope that if we adopt what is regarded as one of the most old fashioned and (whisper it) undemocratic voting systems, people will be more interested in politics?

Alright, it would give the electorate more power. And Britain has been in a state of elective dictatorship for quite a while.

But how about we tackle the gaping black holes allowed by the FPTP system by replacing it with a form of PR?

While its been fun to watch the primaries from this side of the Atlantic, I don't think I could handle it over here. It would lead to an epidemic of voter fatigue.

Bugging MPs

2008-02-21T04:34:00.000-08:00

Labour MP Sadiq Kahn was bugged twice by Senior Police Officers while visiting terror suspect Babar Ahmed.

Despite a pledge known as the Wilson doctrine which is meant to prevent MP bugging, no laws have been broken.

Home Secretary Jackie Smith is ordering a review of the laws.

The UK parliamentary system was built on "organic" principles, i.e. it naturally progress with the age and not keep people in a rigid sense of tradition.

Only under, well everyone, this has translated mostly into an ignorance of most traditions if they're not legislated.

Except Royal Prerogative. Tony Blair LOVED using that one.

British Gas are full of hot air (sorry)

2008-02-21T01:53:00.001-08:00

British Gas have announced record profits for this financial year, despite price rises under the guise "rising wholesale costs."

British Gas and their "parent" company Centrica have put this down to not knowing how wholesale prices will be effected by global warming, international terrorism, dwindling resources etc.

Basically, everything we've been dealing with on planet Earth for the past 20 years.

They've had the cheek to say they worked "diligently" to prevent a higher price rise.

There has been a high death rate among the elderly due to unaffordable heating in this country as far back as 2001.

And British Gas are prepared to pull this crap?

This is starting to remind me of the conditions that inspired Bolshevism. Not that I was actually there, but I did pay attention in history.

When basic technologies were withheld from honest, hard working people in the name of profit. And those in charge couldn't be arsed to come up with a decent excuse as to why everyone was freezing.

And mustaches like this were considered the height of fashion:

They probably needed the extra warmth.

Is this the end for Clinton?

2008-02-20T02:07:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama has come closer to clinching the democratic nomination from Hilary Clinton.

Grabbing a victory in Wisconsin and predicted to win Hawaii, it looks like Mrs Clinton will have to settle for Vice President.

Which is really the best outcome. Why choose when you can have both?

Mr Obama has the charisma, the warmth and an unifying stance.

Mrs Clinton has the experience, the contacts and the Machiavellian streak needed in modern politics.

But enough of this serious political analysis. If you don't know the issues by now, well, why are you reading this blog?

Lets look at what separates these two; spouses.

In the red corner, Michelle Obama, a supportive wife and mother, with an admirable reluctance to leave her grass roots causes.

I've never once see her smile during this campaign but I'll attribute this to being made to wear boring suits.

The one linked to hear proves a time tested theory; Yoda maybe a spiritual guide, but he is defiantly NOT a style one.

In the slightly more pink corner, Former President Bill Clinton, the man who seduced the voting public with his saxaphone and bored a nation by sleeping with an intern.

Has spent most of the campaign by his wife's side slagging of Obama. Which would be unfair, if Obama had not had Oprah's support.

In an ideal situation Obama would win the Presidential election, divorce Michelle, and marry Bill.

This would prove his stance as a tolerant, progressive President and give us an entertaining first partner for the next four years.

Can you imagine what will happen when Bill has another affair? Screw the Britney scandal, this one would be much, much more entertaining!

Net news

2008-02-19T05:47:00.000-08:00

A former Lord Chancellor has called for all articles referring to high profile court cases to be removed from the web.

Lord Falconer believes this will prevent contempt of court via the web.

Never mind that the UK has very tight libel laws (yet somehow Rupert Murdoch flourishes? Go figure.)

This another case of the web phobia exercised so frequently by those who are older and in power.

The media is terrified of it. So are all governments. And now the legislature have proven to be scarred shitless as well.

Chances are, if the judge simply prevents the jury from having internet access during the trial and briefs them thoroughly on what they can and cannot do, there will be no need to encroach on freedom of speech.

Fidel Castro retires

2008-02-19T02:22:00.000-08:00

Fidel Castro has announced his retirement at the grand old age of 81.

Dashing (my) hopes of his immortality, he wrote a formal letter to the communist party stating that he would "no longer accept the position of president of the council of state and commander in chief."

I in no way endorse communism. Rather, my hopes for his immortality stem from a wish to see him as a cartoonish super-villan, ruling over Cuba from his golden throne and throwing his enemies to the rancor.

It looks as if the cold war is ending for good. If embargo's don't get them, death will.

The mental health of UK law

2008-02-18T05:02:00.000-08:00

In the UK we have a national bank being thrown on a sword, and an international scandal resurfacing..

Am I going to blog on either of these important newsworthy items?

Am I fuck.

Nope, today its time to giggle at tabloid goons.

First there's Mr Al Fayed.

Suffering from grief over the death of his son, someone, somewhere, has agreed to represent him in tribunal proceedings.

Should someone who is in denail over, well, so many things, be allowed to drag this all up again?

Consider Mr Al Fayed's argument for a minute: Princess Diana was killed by MI5 and Prince Phillip.

I can see the headline now: Prince who looks like vulture murders Princess adored by millions

I would love this conspiracy to be true. Its the sort of thing Alan Moore could whip into a fantastic comic book and then have ruined when its adapted into a film.

But there is a slight problem; its clearly complete bollocks.

Does anyone seriously entertain the idea that Prince Philip would be allowed to do this? Or for that matter, could?

Mr Al Fayed has proven his insanity before, and here he proves it again.

Australia apologies

2008-02-12T22:00:00.000-08:00

Australia has apologised for the stolen generations.

And may I say bravo.

Apologies are given because they are needed and allow people to move on.

We may all be victims of our history, but at least Australia is embracing the bad as well as the good parts of their history.

Britian still refuses to apologise for slavery, colonialism and the miners strike.

I'm in no position to apologise for any of these as the only power I hold is over my flatmate and its to do with the remote control.

But I can apologise for these people:

I'm really sorry Britian unleashed these psuedo feminist wannabes on your children.

We didn't mean to over sexualise young girls. Britian just wanted to have an export for a change.

Primaries are confusing

2008-02-12T21:50:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama has won the primary democratic polls.

This may finally give him the lead over Lady Clinton.

Mrs Clinton is not down and out. There are still battles to be fought in Texas and Ohio.

Notourisly democratic places, I'm sure.

One taught the world how many different meats you can add to your beef burger and gave the world George W. Bush.

The other has big lakes. Really big ones. So I'm told.

Anyway, whats important is that looks like Obama might win.

Which means good news for everyone. Except Mrs Clinton.

I hope Obama sticks to his promise and makes her his deputy. As much as his message of hope and change is appluadable, he will need her experience.

Just so long as its not John McCain. PLEASE not him.

More eyebrow related conspiracy theories

2008-02-11T20:18:00.000-08:00

Another day and another man with giant dark eyebrows makes an arse of himself/his profession/his country.

In this case its the Archbishop of Canterbury, who looks like this:

Also in the news, mess caused by this man:

You see the simliarties? Both have gigantic eyebrows. Both create massive scandals that threaten to send Britian back to the dark ages. Both refuse to resign.

Alright, I see the point Dr Williams was trying to make.

In the interest of unity in Britan you've got to allow certain beliefs to be represented by leglislation.

One problem; since Church and state have been seperated in the UK everyone has been much, MUCH happier.

That and Dr Williams has made other stupid comments in the past.

Remember this guy:

He got pissed off with the church because they wouldn't allow him a divorce so that he could legally get his leg over Anne Bolyen and produce a male hier.

So he dumped Rome and brought the church and state under his durstiction and it all went a little wrong for a while.

But we did get rid of clergy based law. And despite every European thinking we were hertics and occassionally sending armadas to bring us back to Catholicism, we've been quite happy.

It also meant that British actresses would have a part to play no matter how underwritten other female roles became.

The ironic part is that while Dr Williams may have made those comments in a bid to unite the UK, he has again divided it.

Democratic deadlock

2008-02-07T16:27:00.000-08:00

Obama vs. Hilary looks set to drag out as no one wants to choose between two symbols of 21st century equality.

This has completely ruined the entertainment value of the primaries.

Waiting for the outcome of the primaries was like waiting to find out who shot JR on Dallas.

Or for those of us under 40, like waiting to find out who the hell the Others are in the second series of Lost.

Infact, this primary has turned out a lot like the second series of Lost; a lot of climatic promise followed by a very annoying lack of answers.

But the potential guardians of the new world may have the decision made for them by an old world tradition.

Money, or lack of it, may force Clinton to quit.

Its ironic that a feminist who fell out of favour with her peers should be prevented from her goal by lack of money.

A room of one's own and a little money is all Ms Clinton may have needed.

Super Tuesday

2008-02-05T21:07:00.000-08:00

Super Tuesday is finally here! Only I'm in Australia and its technically Super Wednesday due to the mega time difference.

The Republican outcome is a no brainer. Which is fitting, considering the political party.

And before anyone gets iffy because I'm stating the obvious about the Republican party, remember that it produced this world leader.

And this one

Not the best track record.

The big race remains between Hilary and Obama. She may have the lead in the polls, but as New Hampshire showed, those really are about as realistic as Paris Hilton's pledge of visiting Rwanda was.

Can she even spell Ruwanda? I wouldn't be surprised if Bush or Reagan couldn't.

Best of luck to Hilary, sorry you married a charismatic wanker, but don't think that any of the electorate owe you anything.

Best of luck to Obama, sorry your wife always look frosty, and don't play the race card. Its just very....predictable.

Bring on the election and November 2008 and a new era.

One last detail...

2008-02-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

I forget about one prime ranting point;

Blair wants to become European President? WTF?

Do yourselves a favour Europe - just say non!

We had him for 3 years and where did it get us?

Iraq and Afghanistan. There were talks of touring Iran, but by that time it had become clear the man couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel.

Don't elect him. He'll try and seduce you with a quick guitar strum and a REALLY fake smile, but don't believe it!

If you do, you could end up like these two.

The poltiics of Middle Eastern peace

2008-02-02T07:13:00.000-08:00

Former PM Tony Blair has told the Times he is confident a peace deal in the Middle East can be reached within a year.

This comes after the talks about having talks Bush hosted and the Paris Donor's conference.

So far a massive amount of aid (particularly money) has been pledged towards a two state solution.

£2.8bn has been pledged to "state build". This comes in ontop of the annual aid sent to Palestinian refugees.

As admirable as this may sound, throwing money at the problem isn't going to fix it.

How do you repair people scarred by eviction from their ancestrial lands because someother people's ancestors lived there once.

And how do you encourage a people so fiercely protective of their nation state because its the only one their religion has?

I wouldn't have put this man incharge.

It would be like putting this man in charge of an AA meeting.

The trials and tribulations of living in England

2008-02-01T03:02:00.000-08:00

Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.

This is due to our nations fascination with the big orange ball in the sky.

Due to weather that can only be described as consistently crappy, whenever Mr. Sun pops up everyone leaves their homes/offices to stare at the fucker.

Not this week though! Despite a surprisngly sunny and charming Sunday morning, Winter has returned with one thing on its mind; how to grind English transport systems to a complete halt.

Not content with causing road crashes or endless train delays, the bad weather is now attacking Ferry's.

That's right. Not content with grinding the country to a halt, the bad weather is attacking a vehicle synonmous with bordem and vomit.

Having had enough of this I've decided to flee the hemisphere in search of soemthing warmer.

I'm off to Australia for a fortnight, but don't worry, I'll still be slagging off whatever and whoever.

Marvellous thing, this internet.

But I'm also off to the land of neighbours to find me one of these:

Well, probably not this one. Try to understand, dating in London is pointless when everyone finds this sort of mutant attractive:

More law landmarks! And Gladiators!

2008-01-31T03:23:00.000-08:00

A mother has successfully sued her former employers who branded her as "lazy" for wanting time off to care for her disabled son.

Continuing the theme of long overdue gender equality for yesterday, I'm very glad to see litigiation begining the process of reclaiming the mother.

This may also give way to more legislation protecting the rights of parents of disabled childen. Or parents in general.

Speaking of disabled children, I hope you caught the brilliant cutting edge documentary a boy called Alex.

It was feel good without being cheesy, uplifting yet poignant. And it proabably got Alex laid.

Growing up in Berkshire I have an inherrent dislike of Eton boys. Largely because they were rude to anyone daring to work under the age of eighteen, and often got so pissed after two pints they were barred from Weatherspoons.

This meant tighter ID checks for everyone. And no amount of flirting or short skirt got you into a pub that is synonmous with the gateway to hell.

Anyway, I'll make an exception for Alex. He never felt sorry for himself and was a testment to how far tenacity can get you.

Other amazing TV news

According to MSN, Gladiators is coming back!

If you were a child in the 90s you will understand how amazing this news is.

Braced with loud horn and a giant styrfoam pointy finger, children acrossed the land would salviate at the shout of "Contenders, ready!"

Lets just hope Wolf gets a cameo.

I dread to think of the effect he had on so many girls early sexual development. Wrong.

Why feminism matters in the 21st century

2008-01-30T05:43:00.000-08:00

Victims of sex crimes can now sue their atackers years after the assualt took place.

This comes after a landmark ruling by the Law Lords.

Who knew common law would come in handy? So often a complete pain in the arse, but this time, it almost makes me proud to be British.

But one look at Victoria Beckham took that fuzzy feeling away.

This event has also been good for those of us who believe there is a reason for everything.

In this case a misogynistic waste of oxygen won the lottery and lo! A few years down the line it helps spur on a massive law reform in favour of protecting women.

Trying to explain to a man what it feels like to be raped or sexually assualted is like trying to explain to a woman what it feels like to be kicked in the balls.

The opposite sex can come to respect the pain, difficulty, embarrassment and self loathing generated by such an experience, but they can never fully understand it.

Hopefully this will spur on the case for extending rape sentencing.

Not a good day for the Tories.

2008-01-29T05:35:00.001-08:00

But which day is?

Tory MP Derek Conway faces investigation after being suspended from the House of Commons for rampaging nepotism.

Um, Hello? Its politics and the Conservative Party? What did you think was going to happen?

America has built its current political climate on nepotism.

I'm told its a symptom of monarchy envy.

They can take Prince Edward. No one will miss him.

MP Nigel Watson is being questioned about an alleged assualt.

The MP has denyed assualting two teenagers, neither of which needed medical attention.

Gives whole new meaning to the hug a hoodie speach.

South Carolina

2008-01-28T08:04:00.000-08:00

Hilary vs. Obama. What is there to say that hasn't already been said?

Obama has won South Carolina which was well, no suprise at all.

This leaves Hilary and Obama neck and neck, lending more meaning to the words Super Tuesday

We've heard enough about change, cultural divide and Obama's suspected drug use.

What's really, really, really important is that the Republicans don't win.

Because if they do, my country will be dragged into another war.

We had our time as an Empire and we still have guilt about it. Well, most of us do. I can't speak for the BNP, but they're mostly inbred mutants anyway....

But lets take this moment to look at what the Bush legacy has achieved:

1.) Achieving the impossible and uniting Arabs and Persians. Albiet in hatred against the West.
2.) Yep, that's pretty much it.

Corruption, corruption all around and what a voter thinks

2008-01-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

Ken Livingstone has been exposed as drunk tyrant who either wastes public money or steals it.

Boris Johnson is now under investigation for a conflict of interest. He's recieved funding from a company which had development plans blocked by Livinstone.

And the Liberal Democrat candidate, Brian Paddick has two problems.

1.) He made his name by taking a "soft" approach to cannabis use.
2.) Depsite being a Lib Dem supporter and London citizen, I couldn't remember his name.

Welcoms to the race for London Mayor. It should have got people interested in local politics.

Instead it proved South Park's point about choosing between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

I couldn't find the correct piece of footage to highlight my point, but there was plenty of other golden South Park moments to enojy.

Like this one. Enjoy.

Terrorism legislation creates terrorism

2008-01-24T03:45:00.000-08:00

Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, has honoured the tradition of over-reacting to the point of no return when she announces more plans for anti -terror legislation.

Despite founding post-Medieval Britain on Habeas Corpus, New Labour think its time to get rid of it.

Wasn't they-imprison-people-without-trial one of reasons we "liberated"/invaded Iraq?

Habeas Corpus became the cornerstone of modern civilisation back when syphilis and Catholicism were still popular in the UK.

Clearly, we should keep it as its got us this far.

Will someone tell Jacqui just because she's too afraid (or lazy) to leave her car to get a Kebab doesn't mean the rest of us are.

Can someone get her to take a deep breath and read Edward W. Said's Orientalism? I'm sure the Kebab would enjoy it.

The sudden death of Heath Ledger

2008-01-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

We'll go back to politics soon, promise.

The demise of one of the greatest actors of a generation deserves a mention.

I turned 14 when 10 Things I Hate About You was released. Say what you will about the teen genre. The script was sharply written and the cast were promising.

Most girls my age had a massive crush on Heath Ledger up until today because of it.

Please come back Heath. Don't leave us with Orlando Bloom! He can't act and played a wooden elf!

You may have mumbled on occasions but that never damaged De Niro's career, so why would it damage yours?

Just a quickie

2008-01-22T06:32:00.000-08:00

They've been bitching. Again.

Will someone please shut Hilary and Obama up? This should be about changing the world's largest superpower, not about who voted for Iraq.

Does no one listen when I ask them to slag of Republicans? So annoying.

I can't stay long today as the British stock market is in free fall and I have to see if I have any money left.

All I can say is; Bush, you fucker, who put you in charge of the money? You ruined you're own economy and now you're ruining mine. Wanker.

On another note

I know this blog isn't usually personal, but its been one of those weeks:

What does a girl have to do to get work experience around here?

I've been the BBC, a small production company and loads of other places, and everyone is happy to interview me, but never to higher me.

Seriously, what do I have to do? I'm a hard worker, fast learner and my shorthand and typing are very very fast. And still no one will higher me for what is effectivly slave labour.

It takes two clintons.

2008-01-21T07:52:00.000-08:00

Hilary and Obama have not stopped attacking one another's campaigns despite calling a truce last week.

Former President Clinton is too involved in his wife's campaign, says Obama.

Give the woman a break, she has no carisma. He husband has probably farted more charm than she has ever exuded.

So she needs to use him.

And Obama has Oprah....and she has practically the same level of influence, if not more.

Who would you vote for? The woman backed by a saxophone toting womaiser or the man backed the the self-made, philanthropic torneado that is Oprah?

Let's remember who we really should be slagging off in this battle - the Republicans.

And no I'm not linking too them. It may increase their publicity.